one morning.

01:22

I'm sitting here, in this 9am lecture, still hazed and blurry from an evening's habberdash, and the lecturer i find speaks in such a manner that makes it easy for my eyes to wander. There are 3 things in this room, for which i find a suitable distraction, one is the glossy finish of the fresh new ipod, displaying a simple concept of a game that we can only find so addictive. What simple minds, to lack interest in something so in depth as science, yet find such wondrance in the simplest things, like the pattern of leaves, the reflection of things in the gloss finish, such distractions have an exponential effect on my ability to procrastinate. The other is the dream i repeatedly gaze into, sticking there in my minds eye, that feeling of falling through the bed into a worlds unknown, idiolising your perfect self, imaging the perfect woman. There she is. The third participle in my affair of ineducation. She sits there, seemingly oblivious to the 10,000 thoughts running through my head. Funny really, if only we could know what goes on behind those blank stares of those sitting with us, what parallel thought processes and thoughts we may also have. She shimmers in the hazy morning glow of the flourescent tube, the black hair caressing her face, supporting it, complimenting her constantly. A hand of hers changes position,  reaches to her face and rubs her temple as she lowers her glasses onto her nose and stares onto the blank notebook. She is in the same mindset as I, only wishing she was somewhere else, maybe she wants to be swept off her feet, her legs tapping constantly implying she needs something, or someone. Damn, i wish i was that someone. I could be that someone. Damnit, dream on, hazey eyes.

Suicide notes are surprisingly effective at killing pointless bureaucracy.

No pun intended.

Today, I was slapped by a woman in a veil. I told her that her ankles were showing. Now I'm all for multi ethnic societies, but when common courtesies are misconstrued by another race as an insult, this is an insult upon me. And to everyone in a similar disposition. By accepting her faith, and sympathising with her religious tendancies, I thought it to be a courtesy on my part to subtly let her know she was contradicting her faith. All in good manners yes? Trying to immerse myself in other's culture? Remind me not to do that in future. hmffffff. I find it depressing and sad. New labour government, I blame YOU.

Anyway, rant over. wait, no. Here comes the rant mentioned in the title.
I applied for my student finance waybackwhen in April. sorted it out, filled out the evidence, and by the time results day came, i was ready to move up. Boy am I naive. You will know what document I am talking about when I mention the 'Notification of Entitlement' letter, that is supposedly for you to sign, and return, upon starting university. One such letter has cause so much uproar, as one finds it impossible to sign such a document when one is 350 miles from home. Nevertheless, I mentioned my concern to SFE, and they said, and I quote, 'Don't worry, send us an official signature letter, with a student support number (insert number here) and all your details, and that will be fine.'
Fine. Letter written, sent off, recorded express delivery.
No money.
Right, so again, another long conversation ensues with both my mother and SFE, this time saying that they want my mother's MARITAL status proof (for which they coyly apologised for not mentioning) PLUS, they want the original notification anyway. And for it to be scanned by the university? has anyone else had to do this? At this point, I know they're lying through their grinning teeth. Still, I jump through their pointless hoops.
So, here I suggest a solution. by resorting to the most extreme example mentioned above, I predict that they would rather cut their crap than have someone's blood on their hands. Self terrorism is the way forward people! You can imagine how that phonecall would go.
Oh, and tvlicensing.co.uk wants money for a TV license I haven't even applied for. Today is not my day.

Still, on a lighter note, I feel better about being here. The past eleven days (sorry for no update) have been... enlightening. Proving to myself that I can live independently definitely has its bonuses for my self esteem. And I'm starting to form a good social network! Poor Jimi next door hasn't been sober a day he's been here. I think he's forgotten what it feels like not to have constant nausea. Still, we're in a band, and that's awesome.
Degree level chemistry is megahard people, beware, there be demons here. I spent £100 on books alone, and they would either make very good blunt weapons or doorstops, if you catch my drift.
I'm stressed, tired, hungry, slightly alone, and I want my BLOODY MONEY STUDENT FINANCE ENGLAND IF YOU ARE READING THIS HAVE SOME HUMILITY. But I'm ok.
Check back soon.
xx

Well, Here it begins.

Hey all, here's another lengthy update (hopefully) that spans the course of the past seven days.
I sit here presently in my new, shiny, clean extra large new accommodation in the great north of england, and by first impressions, I can firmly say that it's been the biggest of blasts. Following my disappointment in Cornwall,
I was looking forward to starting a new life here in Preston, and so far it has been pretty much seamless. Currently I am very drunk, so I find it easier to open up my thoughts and feelings. It has been everything I had hoped for and more. Great and attractive housemates, loads of banter, great food, great music courtesy of 53 degrees, and so far a great move in.
Heh, being drunk on the first night of university is always a great sign of what is to come. are any of you guys drunk on your first night? if not, then you bloody well should be XD
This is my life. This is what defines me and shapes me as a character over the next three years. I will make good choices, bad ones, and I will experience things I will never forget, and never want to. By no means am I leaving my old life behind, but I feel a great need to try and make it on my own, to see if i can gain some form of self confidence through this. But then again, aren't we all? Isn't university just one big proving ground, where the men are separated from the boys? I plan firmly to be, or become, a man. And I invite you, my friends, to join and follow me in this process. By writing this blog, I want you to feel the same thoughts as I do, and I want you to know what is going through my head in the best, and worst times. Take this blog as the best form of student advice you can get. Second hand experience.
I met a great person this evening (Helen), and she's shown me an absolutely amazing time. Thanks, kiddo XD
Seriously, if you want a good night out, don't hesitate for a minute to come to 53 degrees here in Preston. just gimme a call if you're coming, and I'll show you the bee's knees, as it were.
I will miss every one of my Cornwall friends dearly. Fear not chaps! I will be home once more! With open arms and a warm hug to all that request! Especially you, Thomas. Lottie will look after you in my place.
My room is already a shitheap hehe.
Then again, isn't everyone's?
I feel happy.
That's all that matters to me. Except for the whole Tinnitus thing. I hate that infernal ringing in my ears after coming out of an incredibly loud club. You all know what I mean.
Still, Goodnight world. Call me when I'm sober XD
xxx

An overwhelming desire to cack people with trousers underneath their asses..

Oh come on, don't you just want to? I mean, here they are, acting all cool, and it'd be funny to just run up and pull 'em down. I guess that's one of my numerous pet peeves. Another is slow people on the pavement. yesterday I ran into both of those pet peeves in ONE person. Not cool.
Well, 4 days till go time. I'm hella nervous, my student loan hasn't come through yet, but I've been assured by family i will have the cash I need. Sometimes I love my family. You all should really, I was talking to my good friend Mr. Knight today, and he seems pretty keen to just get out of the house ASAP. I can see why you all should feel the need to, but what I'm saying is, you'll never have a place like family place. And they will always have your back when you most need it. By all means make the jump to independence, but remember that you always have a place to go back to if things go south. That makes me, at least, feel a little better about moving out.
In other news, The valves hath come! rejoice in my sonic gratitude! Haha, like you guys care, anyhoo XD
Soo much CRAP needed to take to university! Like it's gonna take more than several trips to get my life to Preston. Seeing the past 10 years of my life in boxes kinda lands it in my mind that I'm moving on. I'm sure it'll mean something to you people too.
BTW, I figure I'm probably gonna update this Blago-Blag like every 4 days or something. You know, so I have interesting things to talk about. Like Cheeeeeeeezeburgers. Omnomnom.
End of post!

OHNOWAIT
Thursday was hella fun. But I wish some things weren't so effing blinding complicated. Thankyou Helen Leswell for an awesomesauce night all the same. I met some really cool people Joe, Lizzy, Hayley, Martin XDXD

Byes!

My home is a holiday destination.

So, it's been two days since last post, but I'm home. Albeit not for long. Home doesn't feel like home when you're never there, but it feels good to have all the family under one roof again.
I've had this thing in my side for quite some time, and I've been waiting and waiting so i can resolve it. What happens when you realise something under your nose has been there all the time? I know i'm being vague, but i can't reveal too much, as that would give you waay too much information that I am prepared to release unto your bored minds.
I am looking forward to Thursday.

In other news, turns out setting up a bank account requires a helluva lot of work! Here I was expecting to be in-out-done with a new debit card and overdraft, but no. There is only so much bureaucracy one can take. Or am I being too naive?
Mum went to all the effort of cleaning my room while I was gone, and in true teenager style I had to go and dump all my crap on the floor! now i'm back at home, coz now I have zero floorspace. winnn. Oh bed where have you been all my life... words do not describe how tired I am right now. Cracking headache, hot ribena, good movie, fucking pressure change. Goodnight world.

Frying pans are my new best friends

Welp, I'm off to uni. English education systems are royally fucked up as far as organizing education is concerned. I mean, you have the grand total of a day to sort all your shit out before uni, and if you don't, you're screwed. still, this year it worked for me, and I'm on my way.

Soooo much preparation! I have dad here flailing around trying to make sure I have enough money, and I have mum at home running around like a fart in a trance buying everything except my hall's kitchen sink! Woo for caring parents.

Still, this September a daunting thought is at hand. I am going to be on my own, in a strange world, with immediate debt and little money to live by. and that's just the financial side. I won't know anyone, living on my own is going to be a huge task. But don't for one second think that I might be dreading it. It's gonna be freaking awesome. Learning to stand up on your own two feet, being independent from the word go, and the opportunity of meeting people you may have a lifetime connection with. In short, life starts here, my nervous friends. Embrace it while you can. It's not like i need to tell you.

Is a guitar amplifier a good thing to have at university? it's quite big, and heavy. maybe i can use it as a table or something. suggestions?

I'm quite surprised by the number of people I have come across who are dreading one aspect of university life: Cooking. Cooking is easy people! just grab whatever staple food you can find in the nearest euro import store like Lidl or Aldi, and mix and match to whatever goes best! And never ever EVER reheat rice, fish, chicken or eggs. baad times ensue. But still, my mother pounded it into me how important cooking was, and I'm gonna thank her for that, as cooking is an invaluable skill, and one that can grant you many a social upper hand (chicks dig it too XDXD). It's never too late to learn.

well, that's all that's on my mind, and STILL no valves. Fuck it...

Circa 1:30 AM, Still no valves.

So I guess this is kind of an insight into 'the inner workings of my mind', or at least, some vain attempt to grasp and capture my thoughts. So, for what its worth, and to whom may read, welcome.
For the past three weeks I have been residing in Ireland, with my father, in order to get some family time in before my 'real' life begins at university. For the most part, it's been fun, I guess, as a teenager growing up in a modern civilization, I only had the influence of one parent, as depressing as that is to think about. Being with my father gives me a chance to live the other side of the coin, and to gain a sense of  that good 'ol father-son business I've heard so much about from those corny american movies from the 60's or whatever. But i can't help feeling a sense of misplacement. I am like my father in so many ways, and not all of them the best. He has a family here now, and me being his only son, I should still feel that attachment, that sense of duty a son has to carry on the respect of his father. This has not been the case in literal terms. I've been sat up here on this double bed for a good 4 hours now, because I don't like going downstairs and sitting in front of the TV in silence, watching the latest episode of Dexter, exposed to the cold looks of my daunting stepmother (despite her meaning well, her default expression is fairly intimidating).
It's not all doom and gloom however, whilst being here I managed to build myself a new guitar amplifier, for which I am STILL waiting on the valves for, 2 weeks is late not savvy, and I have many a time called upon the aid of my good friend Max to take me out to the city and have a great time with all our friends. Seriously, it's like a whole other life i lead here. Explains the feeling of misplacement, I guess.
Before coming to Ireland, there was drama. My girlfriend and I had split up, on my terms, so that we could get on with the rest of our lives, as smoothly as possible. I guess i feel kinda empty, really, I mean, 16 months is a helluva long time when you're a student and everything (and everyone) is happening around you. You get to that stage in the relationship where you think there is nothing else right for you, and that person takes up your time, and you want them to take it, every waking moment spent thinking about them. I believe it's called the Infatuation Phase. Well, it seemed to last a helluva while. So long in fact, (and I'm being honest here) that i blind-sighted myself into falling for her. It being long distance an' all meant that time passed enough between physical contact for the feeling of need to grow, and take a foothold on you. In no way am I bitching, so to speak, about my Ex, this is just a hindsight analysis. I think that's why long distance relationships can last. And it sure feels cold to me.
So, that explains all the free time i have! now my body clock is well and truly fucked, 4AM is notttt the best time to go sleep. Cornwall, I miss you, and every one of my friends. Time to claw myself back to a proper sleep schedule. Goodnight world.